How ya doin'? How YOU doin'? Pat yourself on the back if you just heard Joey from FRIENDS when you read that second sentence. I'm doin' ok. LOVING the rain that is sweeping through the Cities. Also awesome about today and tomorrow? I have those suckers off.
Two days to sit in a coffee shop and be whimsical and dream about being married to Liam Hemsworth...*sigh*
Wait, wait...you didn't read that, did you?
Yeah, you did...whatever. Since when am I shy about my crushes?
NEVER, that's when.
Anyways, today has been pretty ok. Having some anxiety issues, but after a doctor's appointment confirming my concerns about having to go back on meds (and reducing my shifts to six hours/day for a couple of weeks..."Yaaay!" but "Naaay!"), I feel a lot better. I'm not someone that enjoys being on meds (not because I have adverse effects but because I don't like the idea of chemically altering my body), however I understand that I'm not the only one who suffers when I'm NOT on meds, so back on the meds I go!
I gave this post the title "Anxiety Games" because a) I just watched both the Hunger Games movies and I thought it was sort of witty (emphasis on the "sort of" being highly necessary), and b) because I really do feel like having an anxiety disorder IS kind of like your body toying with you. For example:
1. Feeling absolutely fine, eating healthily, exercising and still having the shakes. It's like my body's trying to fake me into believing that there's nothing wrong, and yet, BOOM! My body is shaking. Je t'accuse, body! Je t'accuse!
2. Racing thoughts/not being able to fall asleep. I know a lot of people (my father, for example) can live on 4-5 hrs of sleep a day, but not this gal! In case you didn't know, us under 25-ers need at least 7 hrs. SO no, body, you can't have my mind for two hours once I'm in bed. Not allowed. And yet somehow, my body wins.
3. Talking WAY too much. I'm an extrovert as it is, so I could talk for England anyway. Add being anxious, and that usual babbling brook of conversation is all of a sudden transformed into Niagara Falls. It's evident on the faces of everyone that I get into conversation with, and that SUCKS. I usually just end up not talking as much when I'm having a tough day...too scared to release the Kraken. Ha.
4. Lack of focus/Impulsivity. At times I find that I have so many things going on in my head that I pressured to make a decision RIGHT AWAY as opposed to giving myself some time to let it simmer. Enter: Money issues I've been having my whole life.
I could go on, but who wants to be dumped on? Nobody. And I'm sorry if that's how you feel...not at all my intention. I just want to shed light on some of my struggles because I'm sure if you're reading this (and especially if you're a woman) you've probably experienced these even if you don't have anxiety, so we're most likely on the same page :)
One of my first posts on this blog was about knowing what inspires you and how you can feel encouraged. Check it out if you haven't read it, it might brighten up your day...especially if today's a doozey.
This may also help:
Have a luverly day, friends!